In honor of Father's Day, I just wanted to document in my blog the great things about Brooke being a stay-at-home dad:
1. By staying at home, Brooke allows me to really focus on my career without feeling like I am short-changing my children. I can shoot for the stars and know that he will be there to give our boys the love and care they deserve.
2. Brooke keeps me grounded and helps me remember that, as exciting as professional opportunities can be, the joy of children is fleeting in comparison.
3. He is willing to be a stay-at-home dad even in the South, of all places. Let me just say that it is NOT the norm down here.
4. He loves our boys with a passion. I think about how many children grow up without really knowing their fathers, and I am just so happy that our boys will know their Daddy very, very well. And, as mentioned above, Brooke will make sure that they know me very, very well.
5. He is happy for me doing -- well, at least not poorly (I could always be at a higher position!) -- in my career. There is no sense of competition, no sense of regret or envy. He is truly supportive and happy for me.
6. He drives a mini-van -- it's an Odyssey (which is the stay-at-home dad's vehicle of choice, btw) and is proud of it.
7. He is still just as much of a guy as anyone that I come into contact with at work -- he is still the guy's guy, up on sports, and ready to engage in the all of those manly sports and activities (i.e., golf, fishing, boating, etc.).
8. He loves me, for all of my faults and shortcomings, in spite of my neuroses and need for him to love me. He loves me.
9. My boys adore him and have incredibly wonderful self-confidence.
Okay, if I keep going I might get mushy or something, so I am going to stop.
Happy Father's Day.
The Bernheisel List, 2023
4 months ago
2 comments:
When does he get the chance to "shoot for the stars"? Also, should childcare be a mutual or equally shared responsibility between both mother and father? Is your husband capable or qualified to support himself and or your children in the event of divorce, death, disability of the breadwinner? Since he is not working will he be eligible to receive Social Security? A pension? Will he be able to get credit in his own name? Would you recommend raising my daughter to be a stay at home mom?
Well, let's take apart this comment:
First, my husband knows that the minute he wants to shoot for the stars too, he absolutely can. He and I chose, together, to have him stay at home with our children.
Second, I am not sure where you are going with the equally shared responsibility comment. Of course, both parents should be involved in the raising of their children. Does it HAVE to be equal? Well, I think parents have to figure that out for themselves. Having said that, I think that my husband and I have a good balance that works for us (most of the time!).
Third, can he support himself if I die or become disabled? Well, not in the manner to which our family is accustomed, most probably. But, he can certainly hold a job. Also, I have been responsible in obtaining life insurance and accidental death and disability insurance so that my family can get back on their feet should I die or become disabled. If we were to get divorced, well, that's a different situation. But, we are happy now and I am not a crazy or vindictive person. It would be uncharacteristic of me to not provide for him, so, we would work it out.
My social security benefits would inure to my husband if I died (or became disabled), so, even though he would not have as much social security as he might otherwise, he will have mine.
And, I don't think you should raise your daughter with the goal of making her a stay-at-home mom, but, she should be exposed to that life choice. Believe me, there are days that I think I would have liked to stay-at-home. I think every working woman feels that way sometimes.
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