And, Finally, An Update

Wow -- three months since my last post. All I can say is that the gap is reflective of how incredibly GRUMPY I got during my last trimester and how little time I spent on the computer the first couple of weeks since Heath was born.

Heath will be four weeks old on Wednesday. He is still a scrawny little thing -- I put a 0-3 month shirt and shorts outfit on him today and he was just swimming in it. He may actually be a full three months old before it fits him properly. It bears mentioning that the outfit in question is a hand-me-down from Drew -- who was always a bit of a tubby baby -- it is possible Drew's barrel chest and chunky thighs stretched it out!

So far, from a temperament standpoint, Heath is a perfect angel. He only really cries in two situations -- when he is hungry and when he is separated from his mommy. This means that I have an excellent track record in getting him settled down -- but, it also means that no one else has been able to settle him down sufficiently yet.

We are introducing a bottle later this week -- in spite of the recent hysteria about chemicals leaching from plastic bottles (more on this later), we will once again use Doc Brown's bottles. Brooke and I both hope that once Heath has accepted the bottle, Brooke will be able to bond better with the little guy and help me out in getting Heath settled down.

As for the leaching chemicals thing -- I used to do some work for the American Plastics Council and one thing that they told me is that the chemicals leaching from plastic food containers issue is cyclical. In the bad old seventies, there actually were some problems with this, but, technology in creating plastics improved and things have been better. I suspect that the recent hysteria results from technology for testing the leaching of chemicals that has improved and can now demonstrate that trace amounts do actually leach out under certain circumstances. So, I am highly skeptical of all of these reports.

The baby wants to be nursed, so, this will be it for now!

Drew's Words

Drew had his two-year check-up with the doc today (a certain Dr. Krista from DePauw, in fact) and besides finding out he is lagging on height a little (only the 40th percentile!), we were told that he should be saying at least twenty words by this point. Brooke and I estimated that Drew says around 40 words -- but, we shall see. I thought I would record them here . . .

Mama, Daddy, Scoutie (our dog), Cat, Train, Helicopter, Airplane, Car, Truck (he's a boy), Ball, Door, Window, Fan, Flag, Bed, Nose, Eyes, Mouth, Eat, Bite, Cow, Duck, Lion, Dog, Bird, Milk, Yogurt, Cheese, Snack, Bar, Light, Drink, Fish, Turtle, Lobster, Bridge, Choo-choo, Moo, Baa, Meow, Quack, Swing, Whee!, No, Balloon, Shirt, Socks, Shoes, Yellow, Red, Blue, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Hand, Foot, Toes, Water, Shower, Boat, Head, Hat, Boots, Teeth, Rain, Dark, Ice, Sun, Snow, Hot, Tree, Hike, Pee, Slide, Hoot-hoot, Ride

Okay, well, that's 78 words -- so, it looks like we were really underestimating him! LOL Oh well -- no high expectations from these parents! And, to be fair, his pronunciation of some of these words leaves a lot to be desired -- helicopter, for example comes out "kel-cop", but, he definitely uses only that word for only a helicopter, so, it counts! :-)

He does not yet put the words together, for the most part. He does okay with possessives -- Mama's nose, Dada's shoes, etc. But, he has yet to figure out that something can be both yellow AND a fish. And, forget proper use of verbs!

We have been assured that by the time he enters school, he will have put it all together just as well as any other kid. Hopefully so!

What If the Worst Happened?

So, we watched Blood Diamond this weekend. I thought it was a good movie and that Leo DiCaprio did a decent job and that Djimon Hounsou was fabulous and Jennifer Connelley played her role of being the woman who soothes savage beasts well.

But, as I watched Djimon's character obsess and risk everything for his son after the terrible tragedy of having his family and home ripped apart at the hands of rebels, I wondered how I would behave in such a situation.

You like to think that you will rise above -- that you have unknown courage within yourself that will help you prevail for your family. But, as I was contemplating what I would do and how I would react, I found myself uncomfortably focused on my personal response to 9-11.

As many of you who actually read my blog know, I lived in Arlington (just across the river from DC) at the time, and I was on my way to work with Brooke driving. Traffic was terrible -- stop and go -- and because Brooke often wanted to listen to sports radio in the morning, I had turned off the radio. So, we knew nothing about New York and were just sitting in this terrible traffic, going past the Pentagon, and the plane flew right over our car and slammed into the Pentagon. The whole car moved -- I was initially so confused that I thought we had somehow been hit by something -- and we could feel the heat from the flames INSIDE the car. Pieces of plane and other debris fell onto our car and all over the road, and the paint on the roofs of the cars in the next lane over had peeled off due to the heat of the plane's engines coming so close to them.

Brooke told me to stay in the car and he got out. I did not want to stay in the car -- things were continuing to blow up and the flames and the heat -- so, I got out of the car and started running across the highway so that I could get away from it all. Brooke stopped me and placed me back in the car. I eventually started crying and traffic finally began to move, so, we drove back home -- at that point, we could not have gotten into DC if we wanted to, because they had shut down all of the bridges into the city from Virginia.

Brooke, who has some military training, was relatively calm about what had happened and called friends and family lucidly and talked through what we had witnessed. But, I freaked out. I really did. I did strange things like go through our pantry and draw up a list of what we needed for an emergency -- I went to the grocery store and bought all sorts of "emergency" stuff like dried milk and purified water and batteries. I filled the bathtubs in our townhouse with water and refused to let them drain for three days afterwards. I slept horribly and kept having visions of the plane and fire and all the rest, over and over and over again.

Eventually -- months and months later -- I was diagnosed as suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, triggered by 9-11. My therapist followed PTSD-treatment techniques and helped me feel much, much better. Instead of physically and emotionally re-experiencing the whole event every time I think about it or talk about it -- it is more of a memory, and I am terribly grateful for that.

But to go back to Blood Diamond, I feel like 9-11 revealed what I would do in a catastrophic situation. I would run away as far as I could, do everything I could to make myself feel safe afterwards, and then I would be haunted by what had happened -- haunted to the point where I would not be able to function rationally. And, I have to say that I am disappointed to realize this about myself. I want to be stronger -- I want to have the emotional fortitude to have my world turned upside down and soldier on anyway. Now, as a mom, I worry that my revealed response is not adequate to protect my children as I should in a catastrophic situation.

Maybe my experience with 9-11 has changed how I would respond -- maybe my tolerance for falling into a PTSD frame of mind has increased. Maybe, now that I am a mom, the strength I lacked previously, is magically there. Maybe having 9-11 happen has shattered my naive illusion that terrible things do not happen to lawyers on their way to work in the morning.

I hope that I never have to find out -- I hope that I never have rebels or enemies or criminals or whomever break into my house and put my life and my children's lives at jeopardy. But, if I do have to find out, I pray that I will have the strength to be there and support and save my children.

Funny Things About Drew

I realized that I have zero posts on Drew. Poor baby! So, I thought I would just post here, for posterity as much as anything else, some funny things he has done.

1. We are now in the "No" stage. He says "No" to everything in a very emphatic voice, even when he does not mean it at all. "No!"

2. Drew loves swings. He can stay on a swing for literally hours. But, he likes to stop periodically and get the rush feeling of that first swing again. He will tell us "More! More!" while he is swinging -- and that is his way of telling us that it is time to stop and let him get that rush again.

3. Drew got into Brooke's wallet the other day, pulled out his debit card and stuck it into the slot on the front of the dishwasher that is meant for heat from the drying cycle to escape. Fortunately, Mommy witnessed this whole event from afar -- and he was pleased as punch that the card fit into the slot and disappeared. Daddy had to take the front off the dishwasher to get the card out again.

4. One of the things that I remark about Drew is that he is (still) a very efficient speaker -- he learns a word, and if it could be applicable to whole lot of different things, then that's good enough -- he does not seem to feel the need to learn additional words, at the moment. For example, he learned "shower" (which he calls "show-show") -- and that applies not just to the shower, but to sprinklers and fountains and the car wash. At least we can see that he is processing things by finding commonalities between them, but, I continue to be amazed by the number of things that can fall into Drew's general categories.

5. Drew has a great sense of humor -- he plays tricks on us and the dog and loves to make us laugh and to laugh himself.

6. My son loves tie-dye. He has two tie-dyed shirts and the boy would wear them constantly if they did not need to be washed. He also loves trains -- he talks about trains constantly -- choo-choo! -- and if tie-dye is not available, then he wants to wear one of his outfits with trains on them.

7. We are so pleased to find that Drew loves reading. He likes to read with us all the time -- as a result, we have read "Walter the Farting Dog", "Thomas and the School Trip", "Click Clack Moo", "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom", and "Goodnight Moon" more times than we would like to admit. He will usually choose three or four other books each day to supplement these standards, so we do get some variety in any case. But, he loves to go through the books and point to the pictures and hear the funny voices we have for the characters. It's pretty cool.

8. The other day, Mommy was wearing her big floppy hat to work in the garden (we live in the South now, so, I get to wear a big floppy hat, if I want) and Drew wanted to wear a hat too. He has this adorable baseball cap that Daddy got for him (it says, "What's up, dog?") and so, I squished it over his curls and darned if he did wear that baseball cap for a full day, straight! Such a funny little guy.

9. Oh, and we have definitely been experiencing the terrible twos for some time now. But, we have the many-times-a-day FUN of dealing with Drew's tantrum when we go inside the house. In Drew's perfect world, he would be outside all day long -- stomping in puddles and playing with sticks and dirt and being pushed in a swing. So, anytime -- and I mean ANYTIME -- we go from the outside to the inside, Drew falls on the floor in an absolute fit and cries and cries and cries. If we fail to get his shoes off during this initial fit and take them off later, then that is a separate fit of crying. Brooke and I just say that we will remember this when he spends too much time INSIDE when he's older and will use it to justify kicking him OUTSIDE. :-)

I think that's enough. My little Drew Caleb.

You Can Take the Lawyer Out of the Regulators . . .

So, I am suffering through a plight that is not uncommon for me in my chosen line of work. I have provided counsel to numerous types of businesses that are not viewed as being the most honorable, or whom provide services or products to folks that are sometimes deemed to be vulnerable in various capacities. So, I have dealt with lots of difficult issues -- some of you know that I have talked about being in the horrible position of having to legally analyze whether to foreclose upon someone's house, and worse yet, whether to proceed with formal eviction after foreclosing upon the house. In these situations, the results of the legal analysis can be cold-hearted and severe, but, the law is clear. I may not feel wonderful about the decision, but, at least I know that I have made the right decision for my client and served as the advocate I am supposed to be.

The more difficult situations for me, believe it or not, are when I have provided the appropriate legal analysis and my client chooses not to take my recommendation. In these cases, I am not talking about black and white legal obligations where the client's failure to comply would definitely cause a legal problem -- I am talking about legal analysis that is designed to minimize risk as much as possible. These types of situations are where I have to start off saying, "You could have no problems at all OR you could have lots and lots of problems, it all depends upon how much folks are paying attention to what you are doing and whether the press or the regulators or the plaintiffs lawyers think this is an issue in which they are interested."

My first job out of law school was to work for a federal regulator, so, I have built-in to my law analysis a bit of a regulator bias. And, there are times that that bias just causes me to be sick with worry when a client chooses not to take my recommendation. These are the times that Brooke is put in the role of reminding me that at the end of the day, it is now my job to provide advice, and to document it, and if the client goes another direction, at least I have c-y-a. That helps put things in perspective and puts my inner-regulator in its place, but, I still hate the feeling that despite my best arguments and my best intentions to keep my client from harm, they can go ahead and do what they want and possibly really regret it down the road. I will be there to help them clean it up, but, I really would rather save them the trouble.

It's kind of like being a parent, in that respect You know that a certain course of action is likely to cause problems, but, despite your best advice and intentions, your child is going to do what they are going to do. Who knows? Maybe your two-year-old can jump off the fireplace and land just fine, but, then again, maybe not. You'll be there to patch that knee and give kisses if needed, but, you wish in your heart that your child did not take such risks.

So, I think it is fair to say that there are times that I wish in my heart my clients would take the safe road. As I understand it, not all lawyers suffer through like I do and often are more likely to have their egos offended when clients do not listen (though, to be fair, that happens to me sometimes too!). But, I care and I want them to do what is right and keep themselves out of harm's way. Oh well. Tomorrow will be another day with another set of issues! :-)

New Vehicle

Okay -- moving on to much less troubling topics. So, we will be having the new baby in August and have been thinking that we should get a new car. We would keep Brooke's Ford Explorer and sell/trade-in my beloved two-door Acura 3.2 CL that is close to 100K, seven years old, and still drives and performs beautifully. My car has truly become just the vehicle I use to commute to work -- so, whatever car replaces it will have to be zippy, because that's how I commute. The two doors make it inconvenient for putting Drew in a car seat, and the car really cannot handle a rear-facing infant seat -- the passenger seat needs to be put so far forward that no one would be comfortable sitting there. But, then again, we hardly ever find ourselves using my car to cart around Drew -- we always use the Explorer, and it is hard for me to tell if things will be different with the new baby or not?

So, we have been going through the whole gamut of choices -- my employer provides an incentive for me to purchase a hybrid car, so, I have been thinking of going with the Honda Accord Hybrid or something similar. But, then again, I love my old Acura, so, maybe I should just get a new Acura?

And, then there is the horrifying part of me that really, really wants . . . . something like the Chevy Avalanche! King cab truck for Mercedes! I am truly amazed that this is something that I am even thinking about -- but, I would love to have a bed to cart around garden stuff and other messy/stinky stuff. And, with four seats for everyone and it being a truck, there will be plenty of zip and room.

I haven't actually gotten out there and test-driven anything, because I don't know if we will actually need the new car for months -- part of me thinks we should just push through until next spring and replace my car then (I love my Acura -- have I mentioned that?). :-)

Political Post -- Do Not Read If You Are Pro-Life (You Won't Like What I Have to Say)

Apparently I have been busy since our "Babymoon!" So, those of you who know me well will not be surprised that I am absolutely sick over the Supreme Court's decision to support the partial birth abortion ban passed by Georgie Porgie Puddlin Pie. And, my perspective has changed a lot since having a baby, but, I still think that banning partial birth abortion is ignorant and takes away a woman's options.

When I say my perspective has changed, I mean that when I was younger and focused on preventing pregnancy myself, I was a staunch supporter for abortion rights to protect the lives of young women everywhere and to let them decide when was best for them to have babies, and to know themselves well enough that it was not the time or place for a baby. And, I confess that when it turned out to be difficult to conceive our first child, I began to feel that children are such a blessing, period, that it is a shame to have an abortion unless there are extenuating circumstances about your health, the health of the baby, or the means by which you were impregnated (no women should be required to carry a child conceived out of rape). But, that did not change my fundamental belief that abortion should still be available, regardless -- it just meant that I became a >>little<< more judgmental about abortions purely for choice.

But, to go one step further, when I read through the coverage today on the Supreme Court's decision, it came screaming to me that this ban means something terrible for women whose unborn babies are found to have fatal or extremely debilitating genetic diseases. So, when you are pregnant, you do not have any testing done on the genetics of the baby until your second trimester -- even the "first trimester" screening falls so far towards the end of your first trimester, that you are already in your second trimester by the time you can act on the results. The second trimester is when parents find out about the genetics of their babies and they can make the decision whether to continue with the pregnancy or not.

I know I am treading on difficult moral grounds here, but, I just want to say this and have it out there. The decision about whether to continue a pregnancy or not is heart-wrenching and difficult no matter who you are or where you stand on the moral spectrum, generally. This is your child whom you will be responsible for and whom you will have to see suffer greviously if they have a physical ailment. I cannot stand it when my son coughs too much from a passing cold, much less see his whole body wracked with coughs all of the time because his lungs have no way of clearing out fluid.

And, the parents who are in these difficult positions and decide to spare their child from a lifetime of pain and suffering, are often most comforted by being able to hold their tiny baby after terminating the pregnancy. This was a REAL life for them and they honor it as such and they grieve for it as such. What this partial birth abortion ban means now is that if that child is taken from the mother in one piece and still alive so that mom and dad can feel the baby breathing and moving, even for just minutes, preserved as a whole human being, then the doctor will go to jail. I think that is wrong and ignorant and foolish and so focused on being judgmental and self-righteous that it makes me sick.

A lot has changed in terms of the types of genetic testing that can be done since the Act was initially passed in 2003, and I am surprised to see in the opinion from the Court that there is nothing talking about this aspect of live abortions.

And, of course, I am horrified that there is no health exception for the mother. To quote Justice Ginsburg, "None of the six physicians who testified before Congress had ever performed an intact D&E. Several did not provide abortion services at all; and one was not even an obgyn... . [T]he oral testimony before Congress was not only unbalanced, but intentionally polemic . . . According to the expert testimony plaintiffs introduced,the safety advantages of intact D&E are marked for women with certain medical conditions, for example, uterine scarring, bleeding disorders, heart disease, or compromised immune systems."

I realize that there are lots and lots of people out there who disagree vehemently with what I am saying. But, I am allowed to agree with the other four justices on the Court and reject the majority opinion.