The Adventures of In-House Mommy

Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons: Day 2:Part One – The Approach

2009-08-30T00:16:00.004-04:00

So, we left Bozeman at 7AM to make the drive to Yellowstone – 88 miles.

We had decided to enter the park at the West entrance – via West Yellowstone, Montana -- and, efficient drivers that we typically are (or, “fast drivers” if you prefer), we expected to easily breeze into the park by 8:30AM. Although the trip did come off without a hitch, we got into the park around 9:15 – mostly because of construction, slow trucks, and the infamous supreme delay familiar to all parents of toddlers – the massive poopy diaper that stinks up the entire car. But, in this case, it was well-timed, because we pulled off in Big Sky, Montana . . .

and got to go hang out by this little river in the Gallatin Mountain range . . .

By approaching the park going south from Bozeman on 191 and entering through the West Entrance, we actually got to have some very good photo ops with the Welcome Sign:

See next post for our first day in Yellowstone . . .

Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons: Day 1 – Our Travel Day

2009-08-29T23:55:00.003-04:00

We left the house, in the dark, at 5AM to make it on a 7:15AM flight to Chicago. We changed planes and flew into Bozeman, Montana, arriving at noon, Mountain Time. Bozeman has a tiny airport (no more than six gates), but, it was efficient and convenient. Our first impressions of Bozeman were that it was a lot hotter than we had anticipated (87 degrees), and that it was really flat and dry.

Here is the obligatory plane pic:

Brooke and I had originally thought about trying to get to Yellowstone on this first day, but, we decided it would be better to take the time to orient ourselves and shop for groceries, get a good night’s rest, and start off early the next morning for the park. This turned out to be a very good plan of attack.

So, we went into downtown Bozeman (all seven blocks of it) and had lunch at a place called Burger Bob’s, which was straight out of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. Seriously. Brooke and I both had the Cowboy Bob burger – sizzling hot burger with barbecue sauce, cheddar cheese, bacon, ice cold tomato and ice cold lettuce. It was so good. And, as most of you know, I am not one to give out kudos on burgers to just anyone. It was definitely the best burger we have both had in a very long time.

We stopped at the Chamber of Commerce to load up on about three inches worth of pamphlets, brochures, booklets, maps, and magazines. Yeah – we’re like that. While we were there, Brooke asked about what kinds of active diversions Bozeman had for children. The host blithely rattled off the three museums in town. When you have had your four-year-old and two-year-old up since 4:30AM and in airports or on planes for nine hours, the last thing you want to do is to drag them to a museum. You want to run their little bodies ragged so that they are as physically exhausted as the rest of them is.

So, Brooke asked about parks. The host mentioned a “Dinosaur Park”, which Drew overheard, so, off we went to the Dinosaur Park, because there was no way we were going to have any peace unless we went. It was actually very pleasant, and did exactly what we wanted – allowed the boys to run themselves ragged. It was kind of cool to be in a playground with mountains all around, except that it was ridiculously hot (and we are used to hot).

After our momentous travel day, we ate dinner at the hotel (the Bozeman Residence Inn by Marriott) – which consisted of food Mommy purchased at the Bozeman SuperWalmart. The boys were in bed by 6:30 Mountain Time, and Brooke literally passed out on the couch at 8:05PM.

The Big Read

2008-07-02T15:39:00.003-04:00

The Big Read is an NEA program designed to encourage community reading initiatives.

They've come up with this list of the top 100 books, using criteria they don't explain, and they estimate that the average adult has only read 6 of these. (I have actually read a full 50 of these books!)

So, we are encouraged to:

1) Look at the list and bold those we have read.
2) Italicize those we intend to read.
3) Underline the books we LOVE (Since Blogger won't let me underline, I've turned these pink)
4) Reprint this list in our own blogs.

Here goes...What about you?

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6 The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis

34 Emma - Jane Austen

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52 Dune - Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding

69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte's Web - EB White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Business Travel

2008-06-19T23:59:00.002-04:00

So, I have to travel all the way across the country next week for my job. I have been preparing for this trip for quite a while -- from the meetings I need to schedule, to the details of the trip itself, to keeping my emotions in check about being away from my babies. Or so I thought.

I have meetings scheduled, but, having never been to this location before, I have no idea where to go, what to do, and how to get access. Additionally, after much hemming and hawing, I am going to come back a day earlier than originally planned, but, I still need to make that change.

But, most importantly, it hit me tonight that I am going to be away from both boys and Brooke for FOUR nights! Ack! I almost started crying tonight when I thought about it. :-(

I have not been by myself for this long -- no Brooke, no children -- in, ummmmm, hmmm -- at least four years. (Oddly, that last trip was to the same general locale.)

Maybe (after the first night) I will just catch up on sleep and not miss my babies. I say after the first night because, try as I may, I never sleep well the first night I am away from Brooke. The second night I am so tired from not sleeping the first night that I just pass out. But, that first night is a doozy.

And, now I have officially crossed into overthinking . . .

Ode to My Husband, the Stay-At-Home Dad, on Father's Day

2008-06-14T18:26:00.005-04:00

In honor of Father's Day, I just wanted to document in my blog the great things about Brooke being a stay-at-home dad:

1. By staying at home, Brooke allows me to really focus on my career without feeling like I am short-changing my children. I can shoot for the stars and know that he will be there to give our boys the love and care they deserve.

2. Brooke keeps me grounded and helps me remember that, as exciting as professional opportunities can be, the joy of children is fleeting in comparison.

3. He is willing to be a stay-at-home dad even in the South, of all places. Let me just say that it is NOT the norm down here.

4. He loves our boys with a passion. I think about how many children grow up without really knowing their fathers, and I am just so happy that our boys will know their Daddy very, very well. And, as mentioned above, Brooke will make sure that they know me very, very well.

5. He is happy for me doing -- well, at least not poorly (I could always be at a higher position!) -- in my career. There is no sense of competition, no sense of regret or envy. He is truly supportive and happy for me.

6. He drives a mini-van -- it's an Odyssey (which is the stay-at-home dad's vehicle of choice, btw) and is proud of it.

7. He is still just as much of a guy as anyone that I come into contact with at work -- he is still the guy's guy, up on sports, and ready to engage in the all of those manly sports and activities (i.e., golf, fishing, boating, etc.).

8. He loves me, for all of my faults and shortcomings, in spite of my neuroses and need for him to love me. He loves me.

9. My boys adore him and have incredibly wonderful self-confidence.

Okay, if I keep going I might get mushy or something, so I am going to stop.

Happy Father's Day.

Why I Have Never Liked Hillary Clinton

2008-06-09T09:59:00.001-04:00

Read this. 'Nuff said.

Updates on cuteness

2008-06-07T08:26:00.003-04:00

Okay, so, Baby Heath (yes, that's still what we call him, poor thing) is now 10 1/2 months old. He is a bruiser, just like his brother always was, and instead of a head of gorgeous, abundant curls, Mr. Heath Bar Crunch is still rather scanty in the hair department. He is crawling all over the place and has begun cruising too. He now cries when Drew plays outside and Heath is stuck in the stroller -- he wants to run and play too! And, just this morning, he wreaked his first bit of havoc on the house by literally ripping the electrical socket wall plate off the wall in his quest to chew on the electrical cord of my laptop. (Don't worry, I was right there.) If possible, he is proving to be more stubborn than Drew Caleb. But, when he not being stubborn, he has the sunniest personality. One of his adorable quirks is to grab a piece of paper or a raisin or other inappropriately too small piece of edible or inedible anything, stick it in his mouth and suck on it for HOURS. Brooke is much more adept at retrieving said items from his mouth than me -- I tend to just watch Heath think it is the greatest thing in the world to have something he is not supposed to in his mouth.

And, then, there is the Drew update. We had a major break-through last week -- he made it through an entire day at school in his underwear! So much for potty-training before age 3 (he turned 3 last month) and so much for it "just clicking" one day. The process has been gradually painful with all sorts of setbacks and complete regressions. Girls, I understand, are much better. (Duh.)

But, I am amused to report that Drew has quite the imagination. He tells us all sorts of stories about various animals that have chased him or bitten him or played with him. For a while, it was deer (we see them regularly in our backyard), then it was crocodiles, and now he alternates between alligators and bears.

Drew: Mommy! The alligator bit me!
Mommy: He did! That bad alligator -- show me where . . .
Drew: Right here -- Mommy kisses it.
Mommy: >>kiss<< Is that better?
Drew: Yeah. Alligator needs to go to time-out, he was a bad boy.
Mommy: That's right. Where's the alligator?
Drew: Over there.
Mommy: Alligator!? Go to time out, now!
Drew: >>giggling<<

Drew also comes up with silly non-word terms and thinks it is hysterical for Mommy and Daddy to use them. His favorite non-word is "gau gau" -- as in, "That's a gau gau banana -- I don't want to eat it!" How cute is that!

I have to say that I always wondered what it would be like to have a conversation with Drew, and now that I do have conversations with him and he shows me how rich his imagination is and how good a sense of humor he has, I am completely enthralled. Of course, I AM his Mommy, so, perhaps that has something to do with it.

Back to Blogging

2008-06-07T08:04:00.003-04:00

So, I have taken quite the hiatus from blogging -- my last post was in November. The break was self-imposed, but, I have finally gotten over taking myself too seriously and decided to blog again. Most of you who spend any time at my blog (or will spend time at my blog -- since I have to re-introduce it now) know me well enough to know that taking myself too seriously is a life-long challenge for me.

You see, at my financial services company, I am the lawyer responsible for all things Web 2.0. I spend a lot of time trying to figure out the risks and mitigation plans associated with information being improperly disclosed about the company in company-sanctioned blogs and the like, but, also what to do about seemingly harmless comments in employee's personal blogs and postings that nevertheless disclose confidential info about the company.

Back in the fall, it wigged me out to no end that not only did a neighbor find my blog, but, someone at work found it too. Enter the "taking myself too seriously" part, and work on the blog ceased.

What has changed? Have I magically come to terms with the thought that my clients might be able to read through my rants, inane observations, and lovingly documented cute stories about the boys? No. Have I come up with a fire-proof way to insulate my company against unwitting disclosures in personal blogs? No. But, I figure that the specter of that will ensure that I keep the blog as work-free as possible. And, if my clients want to read this blog -- all the power to them!

Tagged by Mary Beth

2007-11-06T11:23:00.000-05:00

1. Who eats more? I eat more meals, Brooke probably eats more total food. I like breakfast, need lunch, have a snack and then eat dinner. Brooke tends to "backload" -- and eats most of his food towards the end of the day.

2. Who said “I love you” first? I do not remember!

3. Who is the morning person? Definitely me. The school bus for the elementary school kids comes at 7:05AM -- Brooke will be in for a world of hurt when Drew starts going to school!

4. Who sings better? Definitely me. Brooke likes to sing but has a very relative sense of pitch.

5. Who’s older? Brooke is my old man.

6. Who’s smarter? I am smarter by the book, Brooke is smarter with real world issues.

7. Whose temper is worse? Brooke's.

8. Who does the laundry? We have this responsibility divided -- Brooke generally runs the laundry, hangs up things, and puts away his clothes and Drew's clothes. I fold the t-shirts and put away my clothes and Baby Heath's clothes.

9. Who does the dishes? We both do the dishes.

10. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? If you are lying in bed, I am on the right side.

11. Whose feet are bigger? Brooke's.

12. Whose hair is longer? Mine.

13. Who’s better with the computer? Definitely me.

14. Do you have pets? Scout, our dog, and Dixie, my cat.

15. Who pays the bills? Usually, I do.

16. Who cooks dinner? Usually I do -- although Brooke is now making at least one meal a week. :-)

17. Who drives when you are together? Usually Brooke does -- I like to be chauffeured.

18. Who pays when you go out to dinner? We both do.

19. Who’s the most stubborn? Depends upon who you ask! :-)

20. Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong? Also depends upon who you ask!

21. Whose family do you see more? We see both sides fairly often (that's why we moved to Charlotte). We probably see Brooke's parents more frequently, but, see my parents for longer periods of time.

22. Who named your pet? We named Scout together -- I named Dixie.

23. Who kissed who first? Brooke kissed me.

24. Who asked who out? Brooke asked me.

25. What did you do on your first date? We went out to dinner in Adams-Morgan.

26. Who’s more sensitive? Probably me, but, Brooke can be surprisingly sensitive too (that's one of the things I love about him).

27. Who’s taller? Brooke towers 6 1/2 inches above me.

28. Who has more friends?. Interesting question -- I have friends who live all over the country and whom we see individually less frequently, almost all of Brooke's friends live in the DC area, and we tend to see them in groups and a bit more often.

29. Who has more siblings? We both have a younger sister.

30. Who wears the pants in the relationship? Good question!

Some Random Thoughts

2007-11-01T23:21:00.000-04:00

* How depressing. Study after study shows that women just cannot win in the workplace. You either have the choice to be liked and not respected, or NOT liked, but have respect. This article talks about showing people four types of interviewees -- an angry man, an angry woman, a sad man, and a sad woman -- and telling them to assign a salary to the person. The person who was assigned the highest salary? The angry man. The person with the lowest salary? The angry woman. That makes ME angry -- guess it's time to reduce my bonus!

* In my last post, I was fussing about not "getting" RSS feeds. I learned this week why this was bothering me so much. We bought a new laptop this weekend -- our first new laptop since January 2003. And, on the Vista desktop, I saw the RSS feed newsreader, along with some other little programs that appeared to be able to hook up to the Internet. And then, at work, I learned that those other programs are something called "widgets" that sit on your computer, but, get fed constantly by the internet . . . just like the RSS feed newsreader. So, RSS feeds were just an initial iteration of this new technology!

* Halloween is LOTS of fun with a two-year-old.

* I just saw the end of American President -- it makes me think bad thoughts about George Bush even more than I normally do.

Technology Passing Me By?

2007-10-20T21:40:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, I spend a lot of time in my job talking about and advising on new technologies. I have been working, professionally, on web-related legal issues since I graduated from law school, so, I feel pretty comfortable with both the technology aspects and the legal aspects presented. But, every now and then I begin to feel like technology is starting to pass me by, and I wonder if there will come a day -- given my chosen niche -- when I am no longer relevant because I have failed to keep up.

For example, I have seen RSS feeds do their thing, but, I still do not quite understand the point of them. So, they update constantly and you can read them if you have an RSS feed reader -- so? Aren't websites updated constantly and you can read them with your browser? What is it about an RSS feed that is better/different? I have tried to read about the feeds, but, I just don't get it -- I need someone to sit down with me and talk me through them. Practically speaking, I do not really need to know HOW they work technically speaking and WHY they are preferable to updated websites -- I just need to know that it is a method for obtaining and presenting updated content quickly. But, I would feel better if I understood them better.

Another example of areas that I have not really been paying attention to is MySpace and Facebook. Aside from the fact that I am about twice the age of the average user of those sites, I thought that they were more cultural phenomena than technological innovation. Au contraire. These communities are really sophisticated and have all sorts of cool functionality. Imagine my surprise! At least it has been relatively easy figuring these sites out!

But, seriously, I remember in college calling the elderly guy who ran one of the community service programs. He was not there, and so voicemail picked up and what I heard was him talking to another person in the room saying, "What do I say? That I'm not here and to leave a message? Okay, but, I don't understand." BEEEEEEP In other words, he was of a generation where answering machines and voicemail were new-fangled technology and he just did not understand it and could not bend his mind around it.

I think about whether that will happen to me -- is it even a question of whether, or is it more reasonable to say "when?" Let's say I retire at 65 and live another twenty years -- will I keep up with technology when it is not an integral part of putting bread on my table? I like to think that I will, but, I find myself wondering whether someday I will be that elderly guy?

Three Months Old

2007-10-13T22:39:00.000-04:00

So, our little Coffee Heath Bar Crunch is now three months old. He has turned into a chubby breastfed baby with that plump little face they all have and some adorable chunks and dimples on his thighs -- a far cry from the long, skinny baby we brought home from the hospital. In fact, in many ways he seems to be completely different from the baby he was when he was first born. Only now are Brooke and I beginning to process through how truly terrifying and anxiety-provoking things were right after Heath was born.

As you may know, Heath was born nineteen days early. The day that he was born, I felt poorly in the morning and by noon was having contractions. But, I had had so many false alarms and bouts of false labor, that neither Brooke nor I thought that this was going to be it. That day folks at work threw me a baby shower, and I sat in the shower, breathing through contractions and all of the experienced moms said, "Honey, you're in labor -- you need to go to the doctor." Brooke was with me at the shower, so, once it was over, we went to my office and called the doctor and got an appointment within the hour.

When we got to the doctor, we found out that I was indeed having demonstrably painful, true contractions, but, that the baby was still floating high and that I was really not progressing. Based upon my track record with Drew's delivery, the doctor recommended a repeat c-section, even though I really wanted to try for a VBAC. Brooke and I talked through it and after many tears on my part, we decided to follow the doctor's advice.

We proceeded directly to the hospital, since I was in active labor, and I was put into observation -- no nice labor and delivery suite for me -- just some tiny room off the nurse's station. The c-section was scheduled for 7PM, and as I said -- we had not thought that this would be the day, so while we had Brooke's mom en route to take care of Drew, Brooke wanted to take advantage of the time we had to go and get Drew and get the house organized, etc. Although as I write this it seems insane for me to have agreed to this, I told Brooke to go. So, I sat in that horrible little room, having contractions, waiting for the c-section for hours all by myself.

The doctor who was going to be doing the actual c-section came in to talk to me and confirmed again that I was indeed in active labor. He checked things one last time and found that I had actually managed to dilate some, but, that the baby had still not dropped into the birth canal -- he told me that that meant to him that if I did not go for a c-section right away, I had at least a 75% chance of needing a c-section eventually.

Brooke finally arrived back at the hospital and things started moving really fast. They got me prepped for surgery and administered the spinal (same idea as an epidural, but, the medicines are delivered lower) and strapped me to the table. Folks who have not gone through a c-section are always surprised to hear about the strapping, but, they strap your arms down because you are conscious during the surgery and you may instinctively flail around and disrupt the surgery.

Brooke came in and sat next to my head and the surgery began. When the baby came out, he cried once or twice and then there was nothing except the doctor saying quite firmly that he needed more hands in the room for the baby. People started streaming into the room -- and since I could not see what was going on and was not hearing the baby cry, I started yelling, "Is he breathing? Is my baby breathing?" My memory is all kind of jumbled at this point -- but, it seemed like it took them a really long time to answer me. They finally said that he was breathing, but, needed to go down to the NICU for stabilization. I got to see him very briefly, and then they whisked him away while they turned their attention back to closing me up.

They moved me into post-op and news about the baby's status was very slow to come. I was in post-op with another mommy, and they brought her baby in to see her. We ended up leaving post-op without our little Heath. As it turned out, I did not get to see Heath until more than twelve hours later. Heath stayed in the NICU for a week, and although he was born on Wednesday night, I was not allowed to hold him until Sunday, and even then, I got to hold him briefly.

It appears that even though Heath was 37 weeks, 2 days old when he was born, and his lungs should have been mature, they were not. So, those first days of his life, he was not able to breathe properly on his own and was hooked up to all sorts of machinery that breathed for him. Apparently babies who are as big as Heath was (7 pounds, 11 ounces and 21 inches) and are born with this inability to breathe properly usually improve in the first twenty-four hours, so, when Heath did not improve during that time period, Brooke and I really started to worry.

Visiting Heath was torturous for me -- I was not allowed to hold him and he was hooked up to all sorts of machines, and because he was not improving, the warning bells went off regularly while I was sitting with him -- causing the nurses to come running over, play with the machines, reposition Heath, etc. The first couple of times I went to see him, I just cried and cried. I would go back to my post-delivery room and cry some more. It was so strange to be in the hospital, to have my milk start to come in, to no longer be pregnant, and yet not have a baby with me.

It was even stranger to go home without the baby and rattle around the house, play with Drew, and not have a baby with me. We would go to see Heath twice a day, and that process in and of itself was exhausting and stressful.

When we finally got to bring him home a full week after he had been born, he came home with a bili light machine, and even though he had to have the lights on him twenty-four hours a day, I was so happy to finally be able to hold him as much as I wanted.

As I look at Heath now, it is hard to believe that this is the little baby whose isolette I sat next to, sobbing, watching his poor little body fighting so hard to breathe. His breathing is perfect now, and as I started off this post saying -- he is plump and healthy and thriving -- no doubt about it. He coos at us and shows us social smiles and already knows to pre-emptively cry when his big brother starts getting too riled up. We love this little guy so much, and try not to think about how serious things were there for a while -- how in another day or time or country, he would not have survived.

I am so glad that NICUs exist, but, if I never have to go into one again, I will be happy, and I do not wish a baby in a NICU on even my most loathed enemy. All's well that ends well, I suppose, but, I think it will still take both me and Brooke some time to embrace that perspective.

Homework for Parents

2007-10-04T13:20:00.000-04:00

Apparently I have education on the brain these days. Today I read an article (from the New York Times) about a high school English teacher who requires parents to do homework and post their responses on a blog that he created for them. If the parents do not do the homework, then, he will actually lower the student's grade.

I think this is GREAT, and while I really would not want to do homework for all classes, every day ,or even every semester, I would love to have an opportunity to talk to my surly teenager about what he is reading, what he thinks, and compare notes on what he wrote versus what I wrote. But, when I think about it, I guess I have this romantic notion that I will do something like that anyway -- that I will read through their text books at the beginning of the year, see what they are learning, and then use some of what they are learning to have conversations with them and see how they are thinking, and to challenge them. I remember wishing that I could have my parents take part in conversations like that, from time to time, when I was in school.

Does everyone think that they will do something like that with their kids and just never get around to it because being an adult is hard (it IS hard) and busy and that project at work needs getting done more than re-reading something and discussing it with your kids? Or am I just a huge geek?

I know I am not that much of a geek, because Brooke (who is not usually a geek) and I have both talked about how we feel like we will need to take a community college course in biology, chemistry, physics, computer science, and basic college math before our boys take those classes in high school. For the science classes -- so much has changed since Brooke and I were in school that we feel like we will need the classes to learn about what has happened in the last twenty, thirty years. Heck, in the seven years between when Brooke was in school and I was in school, there were major developments! As for the math class -- that is so that we can help with boys with algebra, trig, geometry, and calculus.

Perhaps it is pie-in-the-sky -- but, I bet that Brooke and I get involved early and often in the boys' education. Even now, we try to get information about the "curriculum" Drew is being taught at preschool and reinforce it at home -- in addition to the letters, numbers, shapes, and colors -- the preschool has a theme each week where they teach new vocabulary and gear the art projects, stories, songs, etc. to that theme. So, there was an "animal in springtime" theme and there has already been a "harvest theme", etc. Now, Drew is only 2, so, we are not talking major teaching/education going on here, but, at least it is something that causes him to use his brain and make associations.

So, anyway, those are my thoughts on the issue.

Educating Our Children

2007-09-25T10:06:00.000-04:00

Wow -- I thought that figuring out the best path for my career was laden with difficulty and stress. But, little did I know that the REAL stress comes in trying to figure out what is the optimal way to educate my child. Here are some of the questions Brooke and I have been grappling with:

At what age should we start worrying about their "academics"?
At what age should we send them to preschool full-time, or should we ever do that?
Should we require that the preschool offer things such as Spanish language classes and music classes?
Assuming we get them onto the right track in preschool, how will the public school kindergarten in our area compare?
How soon do our public schools offer accelerated tracks and what can we do to ensure that our little boys end up on those accelerated tracks?
We have a very active and physical little boy -- the balance of academics with physical activity is important for him -- how do we achieve that balance?
When do we start him in organized sports -- and will that be enough of an outlet for his energy and physicality?
Learning a foreign language is supposed to be easiest at a young age -- how do we provide that opportunity for our boys, if the public schools do not really have a means for teaching a foreign language except in the upper grades?

The list of questions goes on and on and on. We want the best for our boys, but we also want them to have a real experience of being little boys -- playing in the woods and riding bikes with their friends and making imaginary forts. Once they are in the public school system, can we just sit back and say that the educators know what they are doing and will challenge them adequately, so we, the parents, do not need to worry or supplement or consider sending them to private schools?

What about the studies that say that, economically, it makes more sense to invest $$$ in the early years of school than it does to play "catch up" and pay $$$ for the later years? And, all of this consternation about a proper education for our children is in preparation, ostensibly, for college? Or is it about making sure that they can function well in and contribute to society? And, if it is the latter, then, does it really matter whether Drew learns to read before he reaches kindergarten?

As for college, Brooke and I have a fairly practical approach for our boys -- neither of us cares about whether they go to an Ivy or even a top twenty-five school, for that matter. We want them to go to college first of all, and we want them to go where they feel comfortable, but, most importantly, where they can excel. If they want to (and are able to) go to an Ivy, we'll send them, but, an honors program at the state university and a semester abroad is fine with us as well. I want them to do well in college, and if they want to go to grad school, that is when I think getting into a really good school matters. But, college, as I posted a couple of posts ago, should be time to explore the world of ideas and your place in it.

So, after sending our children to the best public schools in our metro area, can we just sit back on auto-pilot and assume that they will get an adequate education -- that any gaps through the system will be filled in just because we will provide enrichment and perspective for them? Does fretting about their education every step of the way really produce different, better results -- and when we say "better" -- what does that mean, exactly?

Stressful.

At Least We're Not Notre Dame

2007-09-19T10:48:00.000-04:00

You should have SEEN me on Saturday -- really. I was ridiculously elated over the whomping of Notre Dame. I would have been happy with any win -- but, it was just that much sweeter to wallop Notre Dame and hold them to a big, fat goose egg. Fabu.

I am still not holding out hope for the rest of Michigan's season -- once burned and all -- but, at least now I won't run screaming from the room while the game is on the television.

The Liberal Arts

2007-09-14T15:17:00.000-04:00

When I was looking at colleges, I really wanted to go to a school that had great academics, a liberal arts bias, and a stellar music program. The school I ended up at -- DePauw University -- definitely had all three of those things. So, while I have a Bachelor of Music degree in performance, I learned a LOT academically at DePauw and got my "fix" of liberal arts studies and mode of thought through the Honor Scholar program.

Honor Scholar was the coolest class, and in some ways, I wish I could be in an Honor Scholar class for the rest of my life. We read a book a week and debated it with the same group of people for four years -- led by the comments and challenges of a professor. In my mind, it really does not get to be more fun than that -- I want to know how other people react to the same thing I am reading -- what was their thought process, what did they take away from that clever phrase, and what about their background gave them such a different perspective from mine?

What led me to this contemplation of and need to voice my appreciation for my Honor Scholar experience was an article in the New York Times looking back at Allan Bloom's "The Closing of the American Mind", published in 1987. The article talks about how Bloom's book pitted the vanguard of the classical literature canon against all of those whom would dare to suggest that students should read books written by women or minorities, and also points out that Bloom's emphasis upon thinking for thinking's sake while in college has fallen out of vogue due to the rising costs of college and the need to be able to put that degree to work to pay for college. Specifically:

Bloom himself wrote that a liberal education should provide a student with “four years of freedom” — “a space between the intellectual wasteland he has left behind and the inevitable dreary professional training that awaits him after the baccalaureate.” Whether students today see college as a time of freedom or a compulsory phase of credentialing is an open question. From Bloom’s perspective, “the importance of these years for an American cannot be overestimated. They are civilization’s only chance to get to him.”

And, I have to say that I read this paragraph and felt glad that I did have the opportunity to freely explore during college and leave the "dreary professional training" to my law school years. And, perhaps it is an open question for many about whether college is all about being able to make more bucks as compared to learning about the world and themselves, but, it was never a question for me. The issues of how I would make bucks came later -- college for me was about discovery and reading and learning, and I tend to agree with Bloom -- the importance of those years cannot be overestimated, at least in my own life.

Some Pix

2007-09-12T10:58:00.001-04:00

I do not have a lot of pictures on my blog because Brooke is uncomfortable having photos of the children on the Internet. But, just a couple small pictures cannot hurt, right? :-)

Back to Work -- A Breastfeeding Mommy's Lament

2007-09-12T10:28:00.000-04:00

I returned to the office and working full-time this week. I am still working from home three days a week and will continue to transition back into the office for another few weeks, but, I am once again commuting.

I remember when I first started going back to work after having Drew that the mornings were the worst part. Getting organized for the day, dressing myself, feeding the baby, and spending quality time with him -- all before getting in the car -- was so hard. That first month of going back to the office, I was just overwhelmed and disheartened, thinking that it was never going to get better and I was doomed to never get to work on-time again. It did get better, but, as I said, that first month was hard.

Same exact thing this time around. Before Mr. Crunch (one of our nicknames for Heath -- from Coffee Heath Bar Crunch), Drew and I had special "Mommy" time in the morning. We would eat breakfast together and he would sit in my lap and we would watch Arthur (because Mommy wanted to, not Drew, by the way!) together. Then, we would go upstairs and wake up Daddy and in between snuggling together in bed and some running around, I would get dressed for the day and leave.

But now, I have TWO children to try to spend time with and one of them needs to be breastfed, which makes things even more difficult. And, I forgot how stressful things can be when you are the sole source of nutrition for your child and have to spend so much time away from him. Huge anxiety over whether I am pumping enough -- is this the day that Brooke will have to break out the formula? Ugh.

But, the bright side of the story is that I will eventually work out a new schedule with the children in the morning so that I can get to work on-time, and Mr. Crunch is already eight weeks old, so, I really only have four more months of stressing about whether I am pumping enough. I can make it through that! In the meantime, I must rely upon the begrudged kindness and understanding of my boss and clients -- that is my only choice!

P.S. I don't feel any better about blasted Michigan. This season is dead as far as I am concerned. I'll check in with them again next year.

Two Posts in the Same Day!

2007-09-03T16:42:00.001-04:00

Drew, my twenty-eight-month-old son, is obsessed with trains. Thomas the Tank Engine, specifically, but, also trains generally. He talks about trains all day long, every day. He wakes up and says "Watch Thomas and Friends?" We have to fight with him to get him to wear a non-Thomas t-shirt and Heaven forbid if he should lose track of his precious wooden "James" engine.

I have two comments about this -- 1) I never realized how many train-related things there are in the world (e.g., in the car -- train tracks!; at the park -- choo! choo! I hear the train!; movie about Chicago -- look at the El, it's a train!) and 2) I have sung the Thomas the Tank Engine theme songs so many times now that I have taken to dissecting it musically in my mind because I just cannot stand to have it run through my head in one inane, repeating piece anymore.

But, the funny rejoinder to this post is this -- last night, we were driving back from the beach LATE (it was after midnight) and had just stopped at a gas station, so Drew woke up from sleeping. As we were sitting at the gas station, we heard a train go by (see comment above) and he got all excited. When we hit the road again, we drove through a section where a skunk had been hit and that nasty smell filled the car -- Drew's comment? Nasty train! Stinky train! Brooke and I just started laughing hysterically and confirmed that indeed it WAS a nasty, stinky train! Evil parents, I know, but, if you have to keep your half-asleep toddler entertained in the car after midnight in the midst of being skunked (literally), I think it is okay to not correct your toddler's misimpressions.

Depths of Embarrassment

2007-09-03T16:00:00.000-04:00

Okay, so, having just had a baby and actively breastfeeding said baby, I have been in a lot of situations that are potentially embarrassing in the last several weeks. The piece de resistance has got to be my world-record time in managing to get badly stung by a jellyfish while at the beach (Oak Island, NC) this weekend. After duly lathering up and managing to get the baby adequately fed, loaded into his sling, walking to the beach, getting the baby settled in his Moses basket on the beach and sufficiently sleepy -- I waltzed into the water and within a minute, was yelping in pain from a stupid jellyfish.

The most embarrassing part is that apparently I am allergic to jellyfish stings -- I know everyone reacts poorly to the toxins, but, the doc at urgent care told me that my reaction to the sting was the worst he has seen this season. Fabulous. Nasty, bright red welts on the upper part of my right thigh that then bubbled up and started weeping. Did I mention I was in the water for less than a minute? The only saving grace is that I was holding Drew at the time and managed to swing him completely clear of said jellyfish.

But, that sting PALES in comparison to the horrifying embarrassment of my alma mater getting beaten in the "biggest upset in college football history." OMG. One of the lessons I learned in law school at said alma mater (Michigan, for those of you blessed souls who know nothing about college football) was that you never ask a question you do not know that answer to in court -- EVER. One answer can destroy your entire case -- all the weeks, months of work down the tube in an instant because you were too stupid or lazy to get all the answers prior to being in court -- just imagine how embarrassing that would be -- in front of your colleagues, clients, opponents, the judge? The same logic should have been applied to Michigan's football schedule -- NEVER schedule a game with someone that it would be horrifyingly embarrassing to lose to. NEVER!

I don't even know what to do with myself, honestly. Brooke thinks it is absolutely hysterical to tweak me about it -- and it is not as though I can hide from it -- Appalachian State is just up the road from Charlotte! Do I continue to root for Michigan and hope they can at least save some face by having a stellar remainder of a season? Do I just give up on them and tune in again next year when they have a new coach? Can I trade in my Michigan Alumni credit card for the year and get a new dog collar for Scout so that I am not a laughing stock wherever I go?

I am truly surprised by the depths to which I am embarrassed about this -- but, I seriously feel like hanging my head in shame and disavowing all connections with Ann Arbor and refusing to ever talk about my interactions with Lloyd Carr when I was on campus ever again. Maybe I will feel better about it in a couple of weeks. We'll see.

And, Finally, An Update

2007-08-13T15:40:00.000-04:00

Wow -- three months since my last post. All I can say is that the gap is reflective of how incredibly GRUMPY I got during my last trimester and how little time I spent on the computer the first couple of weeks since Heath was born.

Heath will be four weeks old on Wednesday. He is still a scrawny little thing -- I put a 0-3 month shirt and shorts outfit on him today and he was just swimming in it. He may actually be a full three months old before it fits him properly. It bears mentioning that the outfit in question is a hand-me-down from Drew -- who was always a bit of a tubby baby -- it is possible Drew's barrel chest and chunky thighs stretched it out!

So far, from a temperament standpoint, Heath is a perfect angel. He only really cries in two situations -- when he is hungry and when he is separated from his mommy. This means that I have an excellent track record in getting him settled down -- but, it also means that no one else has been able to settle him down sufficiently yet.

We are introducing a bottle later this week -- in spite of the recent hysteria about chemicals leaching from plastic bottles (more on this later), we will once again use Doc Brown's bottles. Brooke and I both hope that once Heath has accepted the bottle, Brooke will be able to bond better with the little guy and help me out in getting Heath settled down.

As for the leaching chemicals thing -- I used to do some work for the American Plastics Council and one thing that they told me is that the chemicals leaching from plastic food containers issue is cyclical. In the bad old seventies, there actually were some problems with this, but, technology in creating plastics improved and things have been better. I suspect that the recent hysteria results from technology for testing the leaching of chemicals that has improved and can now demonstrate that trace amounts do actually leach out under certain circumstances. So, I am highly skeptical of all of these reports.

The baby wants to be nursed, so, this will be it for now!

Drew's Words

2007-05-22T22:10:00.001-04:00

Drew had his two-year check-up with the doc today (a certain Dr. Krista from DePauw, in fact) and besides finding out he is lagging on height a little (only the 40th percentile!), we were told that he should be saying at least twenty words by this point. Brooke and I estimated that Drew says around 40 words -- but, we shall see. I thought I would record them here . . .

Mama, Daddy, Scoutie (our dog), Cat, Train, Helicopter, Airplane, Car, Truck (he's a boy), Ball, Door, Window, Fan, Flag, Bed, Nose, Eyes, Mouth, Eat, Bite, Cow, Duck, Lion, Dog, Bird, Milk, Yogurt, Cheese, Snack, Bar, Light, Drink, Fish, Turtle, Lobster, Bridge, Choo-choo, Moo, Baa, Meow, Quack, Swing, Whee!, No, Balloon, Shirt, Socks, Shoes, Yellow, Red, Blue, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Hand, Foot, Toes, Water, Shower, Boat, Head, Hat, Boots, Teeth, Rain, Dark, Ice, Sun, Snow, Hot, Tree, Hike, Pee, Slide, Hoot-hoot, Ride

Okay, well, that's 78 words -- so, it looks like we were really underestimating him! LOL Oh well -- no high expectations from these parents! And, to be fair, his pronunciation of some of these words leaves a lot to be desired -- helicopter, for example comes out "kel-cop", but, he definitely uses only that word for only a helicopter, so, it counts! :-)

He does not yet put the words together, for the most part. He does okay with possessives -- Mama's nose, Dada's shoes, etc. But, he has yet to figure out that something can be both yellow AND a fish. And, forget proper use of verbs!

We have been assured that by the time he enters school, he will have put it all together just as well as any other kid. Hopefully so!

What If the Worst Happened?

2007-05-20T23:05:00.000-04:00

So, we watched Blood Diamond this weekend. I thought it was a good movie and that Leo DiCaprio did a decent job and that Djimon Hounsou was fabulous and Jennifer Connelley played her role of being the woman who soothes savage beasts well.

But, as I watched Djimon's character obsess and risk everything for his son after the terrible tragedy of having his family and home ripped apart at the hands of rebels, I wondered how I would behave in such a situation.

You like to think that you will rise above -- that you have unknown courage within yourself that will help you prevail for your family. But, as I was contemplating what I would do and how I would react, I found myself uncomfortably focused on my personal response to 9-11.

As many of you who actually read my blog know, I lived in Arlington (just across the river from DC) at the time, and I was on my way to work with Brooke driving. Traffic was terrible -- stop and go -- and because Brooke often wanted to listen to sports radio in the morning, I had turned off the radio. So, we knew nothing about New York and were just sitting in this terrible traffic, going past the Pentagon, and the plane flew right over our car and slammed into the Pentagon. The whole car moved -- I was initially so confused that I thought we had somehow been hit by something -- and we could feel the heat from the flames INSIDE the car. Pieces of plane and other debris fell onto our car and all over the road, and the paint on the roofs of the cars in the next lane over had peeled off due to the heat of the plane's engines coming so close to them.

Brooke told me to stay in the car and he got out. I did not want to stay in the car -- things were continuing to blow up and the flames and the heat -- so, I got out of the car and started running across the highway so that I could get away from it all. Brooke stopped me and placed me back in the car. I eventually started crying and traffic finally began to move, so, we drove back home -- at that point, we could not have gotten into DC if we wanted to, because they had shut down all of the bridges into the city from Virginia.

Brooke, who has some military training, was relatively calm about what had happened and called friends and family lucidly and talked through what we had witnessed. But, I freaked out. I really did. I did strange things like go through our pantry and draw up a list of what we needed for an emergency -- I went to the grocery store and bought all sorts of "emergency" stuff like dried milk and purified water and batteries. I filled the bathtubs in our townhouse with water and refused to let them drain for three days afterwards. I slept horribly and kept having visions of the plane and fire and all the rest, over and over and over again.

Eventually -- months and months later -- I was diagnosed as suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, triggered by 9-11. My therapist followed PTSD-treatment techniques and helped me feel much, much better. Instead of physically and emotionally re-experiencing the whole event every time I think about it or talk about it -- it is more of a memory, and I am terribly grateful for that.

But to go back to Blood Diamond, I feel like 9-11 revealed what I would do in a catastrophic situation. I would run away as far as I could, do everything I could to make myself feel safe afterwards, and then I would be haunted by what had happened -- haunted to the point where I would not be able to function rationally. And, I have to say that I am disappointed to realize this about myself. I want to be stronger -- I want to have the emotional fortitude to have my world turned upside down and soldier on anyway. Now, as a mom, I worry that my revealed response is not adequate to protect my children as I should in a catastrophic situation.

Maybe my experience with 9-11 has changed how I would respond -- maybe my tolerance for falling into a PTSD frame of mind has increased. Maybe, now that I am a mom, the strength I lacked previously, is magically there. Maybe having 9-11 happen has shattered my naive illusion that terrible things do not happen to lawyers on their way to work in the morning.

I hope that I never have to find out -- I hope that I never have rebels or enemies or criminals or whomever break into my house and put my life and my children's lives at jeopardy. But, if I do have to find out, I pray that I will have the strength to be there and support and save my children.

Funny Things About Drew

2007-05-08T12:53:00.000-04:00

I realized that I have zero posts on Drew. Poor baby! So, I thought I would just post here, for posterity as much as anything else, some funny things he has done.

1. We are now in the "No" stage. He says "No" to everything in a very emphatic voice, even when he does not mean it at all. "No!"

2. Drew loves swings. He can stay on a swing for literally hours. But, he likes to stop periodically and get the rush feeling of that first swing again. He will tell us "More! More!" while he is swinging -- and that is his way of telling us that it is time to stop and let him get that rush again.

3. Drew got into Brooke's wallet the other day, pulled out his debit card and stuck it into the slot on the front of the dishwasher that is meant for heat from the drying cycle to escape. Fortunately, Mommy witnessed this whole event from afar -- and he was pleased as punch that the card fit into the slot and disappeared. Daddy had to take the front off the dishwasher to get the card out again.

4. One of the things that I remark about Drew is that he is (still) a very efficient speaker -- he learns a word, and if it could be applicable to whole lot of different things, then that's good enough -- he does not seem to feel the need to learn additional words, at the moment. For example, he learned "shower" (which he calls "show-show") -- and that applies not just to the shower, but to sprinklers and fountains and the car wash. At least we can see that he is processing things by finding commonalities between them, but, I continue to be amazed by the number of things that can fall into Drew's general categories.

5. Drew has a great sense of humor -- he plays tricks on us and the dog and loves to make us laugh and to laugh himself.

6. My son loves tie-dye. He has two tie-dyed shirts and the boy would wear them constantly if they did not need to be washed. He also loves trains -- he talks about trains constantly -- choo-choo! -- and if tie-dye is not available, then he wants to wear one of his outfits with trains on them.

7. We are so pleased to find that Drew loves reading. He likes to read with us all the time -- as a result, we have read "Walter the Farting Dog", "Thomas and the School Trip", "Click Clack Moo", "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom", and "Goodnight Moon" more times than we would like to admit. He will usually choose three or four other books each day to supplement these standards, so we do get some variety in any case. But, he loves to go through the books and point to the pictures and hear the funny voices we have for the characters. It's pretty cool.

8. The other day, Mommy was wearing her big floppy hat to work in the garden (we live in the South now, so, I get to wear a big floppy hat, if I want) and Drew wanted to wear a hat too. He has this adorable baseball cap that Daddy got for him (it says, "What's up, dog?") and so, I squished it over his curls and darned if he did wear that baseball cap for a full day, straight! Such a funny little guy.

9. Oh, and we have definitely been experiencing the terrible twos for some time now. But, we have the many-times-a-day FUN of dealing with Drew's tantrum when we go inside the house. In Drew's perfect world, he would be outside all day long -- stomping in puddles and playing with sticks and dirt and being pushed in a swing. So, anytime -- and I mean ANYTIME -- we go from the outside to the inside, Drew falls on the floor in an absolute fit and cries and cries and cries. If we fail to get his shoes off during this initial fit and take them off later, then that is a separate fit of crying. Brooke and I just say that we will remember this when he spends too much time INSIDE when he's older and will use it to justify kicking him OUTSIDE. :-)

I think that's enough. My little Drew Caleb.

You Can Take the Lawyer Out of the Regulators . . .

2007-04-30T11:06:00.000-04:00

So, I am suffering through a plight that is not uncommon for me in my chosen line of work. I have provided counsel to numerous types of businesses that are not viewed as being the most honorable, or whom provide services or products to folks that are sometimes deemed to be vulnerable in various capacities. So, I have dealt with lots of difficult issues -- some of you know that I have talked about being in the horrible position of having to legally analyze whether to foreclose upon someone's house, and worse yet, whether to proceed with formal eviction after foreclosing upon the house. In these situations, the results of the legal analysis can be cold-hearted and severe, but, the law is clear. I may not feel wonderful about the decision, but, at least I know that I have made the right decision for my client and served as the advocate I am supposed to be.

The more difficult situations for me, believe it or not, are when I have provided the appropriate legal analysis and my client chooses not to take my recommendation. In these cases, I am not talking about black and white legal obligations where the client's failure to comply would definitely cause a legal problem -- I am talking about legal analysis that is designed to minimize risk as much as possible. These types of situations are where I have to start off saying, "You could have no problems at all OR you could have lots and lots of problems, it all depends upon how much folks are paying attention to what you are doing and whether the press or the regulators or the plaintiffs lawyers think this is an issue in which they are interested."

My first job out of law school was to work for a federal regulator, so, I have built-in to my law analysis a bit of a regulator bias. And, there are times that that bias just causes me to be sick with worry when a client chooses not to take my recommendation. These are the times that Brooke is put in the role of reminding me that at the end of the day, it is now my job to provide advice, and to document it, and if the client goes another direction, at least I have c-y-a. That helps put things in perspective and puts my inner-regulator in its place, but, I still hate the feeling that despite my best arguments and my best intentions to keep my client from harm, they can go ahead and do what they want and possibly really regret it down the road. I will be there to help them clean it up, but, I really would rather save them the trouble.

It's kind of like being a parent, in that respect You know that a certain course of action is likely to cause problems, but, despite your best advice and intentions, your child is going to do what they are going to do. Who knows? Maybe your two-year-old can jump off the fireplace and land just fine, but, then again, maybe not. You'll be there to patch that knee and give kisses if needed, but, you wish in your heart that your child did not take such risks.

So, I think it is fair to say that there are times that I wish in my heart my clients would take the safe road. As I understand it, not all lawyers suffer through like I do and often are more likely to have their egos offended when clients do not listen (though, to be fair, that happens to me sometimes too!). But, I care and I want them to do what is right and keep themselves out of harm's way. Oh well. Tomorrow will be another day with another set of issues! :-)

New Vehicle

2007-04-24T21:37:00.000-04:00

Okay -- moving on to much less troubling topics. So, we will be having the new baby in August and have been thinking that we should get a new car. We would keep Brooke's Ford Explorer and sell/trade-in my beloved two-door Acura 3.2 CL that is close to 100K, seven years old, and still drives and performs beautifully. My car has truly become just the vehicle I use to commute to work -- so, whatever car replaces it will have to be zippy, because that's how I commute. The two doors make it inconvenient for putting Drew in a car seat, and the car really cannot handle a rear-facing infant seat -- the passenger seat needs to be put so far forward that no one would be comfortable sitting there. But, then again, we hardly ever find ourselves using my car to cart around Drew -- we always use the Explorer, and it is hard for me to tell if things will be different with the new baby or not?

So, we have been going through the whole gamut of choices -- my employer provides an incentive for me to purchase a hybrid car, so, I have been thinking of going with the Honda Accord Hybrid or something similar. But, then again, I love my old Acura, so, maybe I should just get a new Acura?

And, then there is the horrifying part of me that really, really wants . . . . something like the Chevy Avalanche! King cab truck for Mercedes! I am truly amazed that this is something that I am even thinking about -- but, I would love to have a bed to cart around garden stuff and other messy/stinky stuff. And, with four seats for everyone and it being a truck, there will be plenty of zip and room.

I haven't actually gotten out there and test-driven anything, because I don't know if we will actually need the new car for months -- part of me thinks we should just push through until next spring and replace my car then (I love my Acura -- have I mentioned that?). :-)

Political Post -- Do Not Read If You Are Pro-Life (You Won't Like What I Have to Say)

2007-04-19T14:08:00.000-04:00

Apparently I have been busy since our "Babymoon!" So, those of you who know me well will not be surprised that I am absolutely sick over the Supreme Court's decision to support the partial birth abortion ban passed by Georgie Porgie Puddlin Pie. And, my perspective has changed a lot since having a baby, but, I still think that banning partial birth abortion is ignorant and takes away a woman's options.

When I say my perspective has changed, I mean that when I was younger and focused on preventing pregnancy myself, I was a staunch supporter for abortion rights to protect the lives of young women everywhere and to let them decide when was best for them to have babies, and to know themselves well enough that it was not the time or place for a baby. And, I confess that when it turned out to be difficult to conceive our first child, I began to feel that children are such a blessing, period, that it is a shame to have an abortion unless there are extenuating circumstances about your health, the health of the baby, or the means by which you were impregnated (no women should be required to carry a child conceived out of rape). But, that did not change my fundamental belief that abortion should still be available, regardless -- it just meant that I became a >>little<< more judgmental about abortions purely for choice.

But, to go one step further, when I read through the coverage today on the Supreme Court's decision, it came screaming to me that this ban means something terrible for women whose unborn babies are found to have fatal or extremely debilitating genetic diseases. So, when you are pregnant, you do not have any testing done on the genetics of the baby until your second trimester -- even the "first trimester" screening falls so far towards the end of your first trimester, that you are already in your second trimester by the time you can act on the results. The second trimester is when parents find out about the genetics of their babies and they can make the decision whether to continue with the pregnancy or not.

I know I am treading on difficult moral grounds here, but, I just want to say this and have it out there. The decision about whether to continue a pregnancy or not is heart-wrenching and difficult no matter who you are or where you stand on the moral spectrum, generally. This is your child whom you will be responsible for and whom you will have to see suffer greviously if they have a physical ailment. I cannot stand it when my son coughs too much from a passing cold, much less see his whole body wracked with coughs all of the time because his lungs have no way of clearing out fluid.

And, the parents who are in these difficult positions and decide to spare their child from a lifetime of pain and suffering, are often most comforted by being able to hold their tiny baby after terminating the pregnancy. This was a REAL life for them and they honor it as such and they grieve for it as such. What this partial birth abortion ban means now is that if that child is taken from the mother in one piece and still alive so that mom and dad can feel the baby breathing and moving, even for just minutes, preserved as a whole human being, then the doctor will go to jail. I think that is wrong and ignorant and foolish and so focused on being judgmental and self-righteous that it makes me sick.

A lot has changed in terms of the types of genetic testing that can be done since the Act was initially passed in 2003, and I am surprised to see in the opinion from the Court that there is nothing talking about this aspect of live abortions.

And, of course, I am horrified that there is no health exception for the mother. To quote Justice Ginsburg, "None of the six physicians who testified before Congress had ever performed an intact D&E. Several did not provide abortion services at all; and one was not even an obgyn... . [T]he oral testimony before Congress was not only unbalanced, but intentionally polemic . . . According to the expert testimony plaintiffs introduced,the safety advantages of intact D&E are marked for women with certain medical conditions, for example, uterine scarring, bleeding disorders, heart disease, or compromised immune systems."

I realize that there are lots and lots of people out there who disagree vehemently with what I am saying. But, I am allowed to agree with the other four justices on the Court and reject the majority opinion.

Vegas BabyMoon, Baby!

2007-04-04T13:37:00.000-04:00

Brooke and I had our "babymoon" in Vegas this past weekend. I know, I know. What's the point of being in Vegas if you can't drink and you're not a big gambler? Well, the truth of the matter is that there is a lot to do there besides drink and gamble, and they have really great restaurants.

We used to live in a great restaurant town (Chicago), but, Charlotte is so not. Brooke said that he feels like we ate at more good restaurants this weekend than we have in Charlotte in a year! So, we stayed at the Venetian (it's all suites -- if I could have the room we had every time I traveled, I would be ecstatic) and started off eating at their Mexican restaurant, situated right on the "Grand Canal" complete with gondolas. Fabulous, yummy mole-type soup followed by smoked chicken quesadillas and a spicy beef torta (sandwich, in this case) -- all of which was just really good. For dinner, we ate at Zeffirino, one of the Italian restaurants at the Venetian. We started off with a blood orange salad that was to die for, and then I had this incredibly delicate sausage-stuffed pasta served in a parmesan cheese fondue. So good.

We continued our patronage of the Venetian exclusively the next morning and at the Grand Lux Cafe (an upscale Cheesecake Factory). I had this wonderful scrambled egg-white bruschetta and sparkling fresh-squeezed orange juice (in lieu of the Mimosa, of course). Then, I went to the Canyon Ranch Spa, which is, conveniently, in the Venetian! I had a really good prenatal massage -- a real massage, but, the table was adjusted to accommodate my baby belly -- and then an ice cream pedicure, where they served ice cream during the treatment.

Wow, talking about just that much food is making me kind of ill looking back on it and explains why I had managed to gain two more pounds than I was expecting, and was a little surprised on the scale at the doc's office this morning! And, I haven't even gotten through everything we ate!

I will leave the rest of the food for a later blog (perhaps), but, I can say that the highlight was going to the Beatles "Love" Cirque du Soleil show. It was wonderful -- we both felt that we could go back and watch it again and again. We had such a good time.

So, if you are going to Vegas soon -- stay at the Venetian (it's worth it) and go to see Cirque du Soleil. I got to see my cousin (her husband is secretary of state of Nevada, by the way -- are you impressed?), whom I really like and wish I got to see more of, and then Brooke's friend, Glenn, flew in and spent Sunday night with us. Glenn is one of the coolest engineers we know and he is lots of fun. That means we had social time with people we like sans le petit bebe -- we're adults! Yay!

Why I Like Living in the South -- Part 2

2007-03-28T21:35:00.000-04:00

I realized that I have a couple additional kudos to give the South:

* I can wear fun colors and frilly stuff to work and still be viewed as professional. How great is that? I can do my hair and make up all up and still be viewed as professional. (Brooke is not a huge fan of the makeup look, so, I don't -- but the point is, I can!)

* Pedicures and sandals are a way of life and the season lasts from the end of March through early October.

* Country music suddenly makes sense and does not seem so darned contrived. I mean, there is a strip mall near us with a shop called "Critterville Outlet" -- guess what they do? They are taxidermists! Isn't that just straight out of a country music song? Gigging frogs makes sense -- those songs actually reflect how people live down here. It's amazing.

Why I Like Living In The South

2007-03-27T10:18:00.000-04:00

Okay so, the evil demon Nausea seems to have said farewell. Thanks be to Heaven! Now, just keep those pre-term labor problems I had with Drew away and all will be forgiven. :-)

So, in tribute to our first anniversary of living in the South -- South Cackalacky to be specific -- I thought that I would post a list of reasons why I like living here:

1. Doors are always held, women are always given priority in getting on or off an elevator, and people generally are kinder and nicer. Although there is a definite sense of women being special because they are mothers or the "fairer sex" -- I do not find it offensive. I like being treated like a lady and not shoved aside so that someone can grab a seat on public transportation before me.

2. Five kinds of pimento cheese at the grocery store. I do not eat pimento cheese, but, I think it is charming that folks love the stuff so much that the store would have five variations available. In the Midwest they have five kinds of bratwurst. I think that is charming, too.

3. Family is always the best answer for why you cannot attend a meeting, for the answer to "what did you do this weekend?", to "where are going for the holidays?" I think this is a quality that most of the Midwest shares, but, places like DC take family for granted and if you use it as a reason for not doing something, then the cynics view you as being lazy or telling a lie.

4. Slower pace of life. I work in a busy little city, but even here, things move at a slower pace. What this means is that you can take some time to reflect and enjoy things more. If you are constantly going at a faster pace, then dealing with the slower pace can be annoying. But, when you LIVE here, it is such a relief to not be running, running, running and it makes daily life so much better.

5. Ten million barbecue shops. We always found it so strange to live in Chicago and yet have a hard time finding cute little sandwich shops that were not part of chains. In DC, we had two stand-out favorites -- the Lost Dog Cafe and the Italian Shop. But, in Chicago, it was tough-going. Hot dog places? Sure, but if you wanted a sandwich, it was Panera or Subway or Quiznos. So, what does this have to do with barbecue shops? Well, a good sandwich is never too far away when you have barbecue places all over. Plus, we have a local chain (very local) called McAlister's Deli that serves a huge variety of sandwiches.

6. Lemonade. You can always get lemonade -- all year long.

7. Diet Dr. Pepper at the soda fountains. Seriously. You go to McDonald's or Chik Fil A or Wendy's or Chili's or the soda machine in your office, you can choose Diet Dr. Pepper. Sometimes you just feel like a pepper, you know?

8. A prevalent sense of history. Now, it is certainly not the most comfortable of histories -- especially when you live in a town that still has a public park called "Confederate Park". But, there is a lot of history down here and I love that.

Mother's Intuition

2007-03-14T11:05:00.000-04:00

We had the follow-up ultrasound. And, the really good news is that the baby's risk for Down's is still less than if I were 20 years old (1 in 1900). That is the gold standard for Down's risk, so, we are mostly relieved. They still offered us amnio to confirm one way or another, but, since the risk of complications (including miscarriage) from amnio is 1 in 390, we just could not justify the risk. Plus, amnio sounds painful and yucky, and I wouldn't want to do it unless I had a really good reason.

However, the two "soft" markers they saw last week were confirmed. There are apparently eleven different markers for Down's that they look at and it is not so much the "number" of markers as it is which markers are found. The biggest indications being the thickened neck, small limbs for the age of the baby, and a head/brain that is also behind in development. Our little guy had none of these indications -- and his head/brain is ahead of development (just like big brother Drew's was).

The bright spot on the heart is a calcification that does not impair function at all and just is. They spent a lot of time looking at the baby's heart (mild heart defects are another indication of Down's) -- they have cool technology to show the blood (in colors) flowing into and out of the four chambers. The baby's heart is absolutely fine -- no problems at all.

And, the water on the baby's kidneys was still there, and a little bit worse than last week. We will have a follow-up ultrasound at 34 weeks to see if the water has dissipated. If it has not, then the very worst outcome would be the baby needing surgery in his first year to correct the problem. But, the baby will thrive regardless and be just fine, and the surgery will be successful in correcting it.

Thank goodness we had the first trimester screening done, otherwise we would be sweating it out right now. That screening came back with fantastic numbers -- a 1 in 5200 chance of Down's. So, that really helped them more accurately revise the risk. Otherwise, they would be working with the average risk for my age -- 1 in approximately 500 or so and revising from there.

The whole experience was a little terrifying though -- they were 45-minutes late getting us into our appointment because they apparently had a bad morning and had to give more than one set of parents really bad news. There was a man crying out in the hallway, and it was just heart-wrenching to see and hear.

So, we know how lucky we are. And, we are trying to not look the "gift horse" in the mouth and wonder if the risks could bear out to affect us and our new little boy. I think that both of us feel so lucky to have such a wonderful little boy in Drew, that we are waiting for the other shoe to drop. But, perhaps there is no shoe and perhaps it is just a little squirt of water instead. :-)

It was cool to spend that much time looking at the little guy, though. I have been feeling him kick for some weeks now, and it was really awesome to feel him kick and see it on the ultrasound. I keep telling Brooke that the baby "told" me during the ultrasound that while he may have the kidney problem (he can't quite tell yet), he is fine otherwise and will be able to keep up with Drew every step of the way.

Brooke thinks I am crazy, but, I swear that Drew told me that he was going to be perfect during one of my ultrasounds with him. So, you know, mother's intuition. :-)

No Improvement

2007-03-12T15:33:00.000-04:00

Day #13 of the cold-that-would-not-go-away. At least I no longer feel like my head is wrapped in cotton and, well, that's all I can say has improved. I have now developed the cough, which at times has me retching into the garbage can at work. It is lovely. LOVELY.

The nausea is also not improving. Not at all. At this point, I don't care how much weight I gain during this pregnancy, as long as it means that I stop feeling nauseous and have an appetite big enough to eat and eat and eat. I got a cheeseburger for lunch yesterday -- it was not a big cheeseburger -- and I could only eat half of it. That is pathetic. Lunch today was red grapes and a cinnamon roll. Breakfast went onto the grass outside a church on my way to work.

At one point, before this dumb cold, I had managed to gain five pounds. Now it is back to two pounds. The baby is fine though -- kicks a decent amount, and seems to be at his kicking glory around the same times Drew Caleb kicked me every day -- the 4 o'clock hour and at night right after I lie down to go to sleep.

I started sorting through Drew's old clothes yesterday, since they will have an encore with our new little guy. I have tons of 0-3 months clothes that barely have any wear -- Drew grew quickly. The 6-9 months clothes win in terms of sheer numbers, though. While we definitely do not need to buy a stitch of new clothing for Tunstall Boy #2, it will be kind of fun to pick out special pieces just for him.

Wish me luck on tomorrow's ultrasound and with feeling better, after all. :-)

It's a Boy!

2007-03-07T12:21:00.000-05:00

Yes, we have boy #2 on the way! Our plan all the way along has been that if we have two boys, then we will adopt a little girl in a couple of years. I am NOT going to have three little boys running me ragged! So, I guess we're adopting!

There were two small things that appeared on the ultrasound that need following up -- water on the kidneys and a bright spot on the heart. If either one had shown up by itself, they would not have sent us for a more in-depth ultrasound, but, since there were two things that popped up, we will be going for a more in-depth ultrasound. While water on the kidneys is a weak indicator of Down's Syndrome, our first-trimester screening was so strong, they are not concerned and just think it is one of those things (very common with boys, apparently). And, the bright spot on the heart could potentially point to some heart problems that they would need to be prepared for once the baby was born.

Drew Caleb had a small hole in his heart after he was born and went to a pediatric cardiologist for the first year, but, the hole has closed up and never caused him any problems. So, hopefully, if there is a problem it is something simple like that.

So, now we have a nursery to decorate (I am thinking of a cowboy theme), a name to choose, and Drew's old clothes to dig through and categorize so that they will be ready for Tunstall Boy #2!

As Brooke told his dad, "Mercedes is taking her wifely duty to populate the Tunstall name seriously!" :-)

Sobering

2007-03-06T11:56:00.000-05:00

Okay, a little humor first. I officially have started worshipping the porcelain goddess every single morning, and by my count I only have 150 days of doing so to go! Woo-hoo! That's nothing, right? Right?

But, I have something much less humorous to talk about. My mom learned today that the pain in her breast is a pre-cancerous condition that leads the doctors to recommend either a lumpectomy with radiation or a mastectomy. There are so many wonderful things about this diagnosis -- since it is pre-cancerous, she has a 100% chance of surviving and the pain she has been suffering with will be relieved by the surgery. That is wonderful news.

She is taking it pretty hard, though. And, that makes me sad. I wish that I could take away all of her fears and let her see how truly wonderful this diagnosis is and how fortunate all of us are to know that she will survive and she will be just fine.

But, I understand how shocking it can be to think that someday soon, a part of yourself that in some ways defines your gender may no longer be with you. I understand that although she has been able to use them for their biological purpose (to attract men and to feed babies) and the reconstruction capabilities of surgeons are incredible these days, that it can still be very hard to think about losing your breast.

And, this type of thing cannot help to make you contemplate your mortality. I know she has so many things she still wants to do -- not the least of which is to meet her newest grandbaby and to watch her grandchildren grow up. And, this type of diagnosis makes her doubt whether she will be able to accomplish these things -- it makes her feel weak and frail and sick.

No one likes feeling that way. I just need to figure out how to help her to not focus on that feeling and focus on getting better and enjoying her family. We find out whether we have a little girl or a little boy on the way tomorrow, so, that should be a good distraction.

Collected Thoughts

2007-02-28T21:15:00.000-05:00

Okay, so, now on top of the intermittent morning sickness, I am completely stuffed-up due to a cold or allergies (the trees are blooming here!). And, I can't take anything for it. So, now I drag around the tissues and the humidifier along with my wonderful Zofran (anti-nausea medicine). Gee, being pregnant is GREAT. :-)

My comments on the DePauw sorority debacle . . . but first, I think I have "talked" to more sorority sisters in the last week than I have in the last two years! Okay -- so, this whole issue struck a little close to home because my sorority closed due to lack of members at DePauw not too many years ago. I don't remember our house being the "dog house" and, in fact, I have some kind of memory that while I was there, we were actually the house that was rated most fun to party with -- because we were normal girls who had fun, and did not act all princessy and stuck-up.

But, since being somewhat princessy and stuck-up is the norm for DePauw girls (I think that's fair), my sorority was definitely regarded as "different" and not among the elite. And, within such a small community and at college age, it is hard to be different and not among the elite. I still remember being amazed when I was at Michigan for law school that nobody dressed up for class, nobody wore pearls to anything, and they CERTAINLY did not wear them while working out (a certain Ms. Hoopis, ring bells with anyone?). And, then I was amazed at myself that I was amazed.

From what I understand, the ills of the rush system at DePauw that allow some sororities to become anemic in terms of members and others to literally bust at the seams are going to be addressed in the next year. For me, that development is HUGE. If they do that AND DePauw has the balls (sorry for being crass) to kick Delta Zeta off campus, then, I still feel terrible for these girls, but there is hope. Otherwise, I am afraid that I may have to tell DePauw that they have managed to marginalize and devalue intelligent and valuable women, and I cannot support any institution that does that.

Queasy

2007-02-26T16:13:00.000-05:00

So, I am now in my seventeenth week of pregnancy and am still having morning sickness. It has taken on new and unexpected dimensions -- such as the one moment you're fine, next moment you're puking on the garage floor aspect OR the feel sick if you don't eat enough, eat too much, eat protein, don't eat protein aspect.

I keep feeling as though I should be able to "crack the code" and reliably follow a certain diet, eating schedule, SOMETHING to stop from getting sick. But, nothing seems to make a difference. And, I think I am mentally exhausted from trying to take all of the data about what makes me sick and calculate a sick-proof approach.

So, I think I just have to face the possibility that I will:

Be sick for the rest of the pregnancy;
Not be able to figure out a method to the sickness-madness; and
Need to take my anti-nausea pills regularly.

That's hard for me to accept, but, as I said, I am tired of coming up with theories about what will stop it.

So, I just look at my little boy and know that I would definitely, no doubt about it, have felt/been sick every single day in order to be blessed with him, and I will feel no differently about this little one. I just wish I could get away without having to actually feel/be sick! :-)

Just Some Thoughts

2007-02-21T15:51:00.000-05:00

I know my posts are really long. I just do not seem to be able to make them shorter -- there is so much to say once I get going, you know. But, I will try to do better. So, here are my thoughts of the day:

1. I wonder if my little boy will ever know how much I love him. I have the menu for his pre-school taped to the wall behind my laptop screen at work, and I obsess over whether he will like the food or not everyday. Today was Salisbury Steak and peas. Drew has had neither, ever (Brooke and I HATE peas). The report from Brooke is that Drew did not eat his lunch, much as Mommy expected.

2. I wish it was Thursday already.

3. Girl Scout cookies are addictive. There are two, cute-as-a-button blonde little girls walking around the legal department right now, pushing a mail cart full of cookies. Do I buy more?

4. Morning sickness blows, especially while you're visiting with friends you hardly get to see or sitting in a meeting, and especially when you're at 16 weeks and it should have stopped by now!

5. Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly (go on, click on it!)

Memphis

2007-02-20T14:24:00.000-05:00

The Family Tunstall spent the past weekend in Memphis and environs visiting friends. We got to stay on Mud Island with Kelly Shoop and see the city through the eyes of someone who lives there. Brooke and I both agree that it is most fun to see a city with friends who live there (or who have lived there).

We ate like crazy people -- so, here's the rundown:

The BBQ Shop -- we had BBQ spaghetti (sounds gross, but is really good) and ribs (mine were a mixture of wet and dry). For me, the ribs are better at Rendezvous, but you cannot beat the ambiance of the BBQ Shop, and as I said, the BBQ spaghetti was worth it.

Arcade -- featured in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, which was waiting for us when we got home. This is the classic old diner -- we had a wonderful breakfast starting with beignets (nothing like those you get at Cafe Du Monde) and then blueberry pancakes, eggs, and buttery grits. In the Carolinas, we have found that the restaurants do not butter up the grits for you -- they are served plain and you add the amount of butter/hot sauce you like. I hate plain grits, but the buttery ones at Arcade were GOOD.

Huey's -- Burgers. Very good burgers. And, Kelly was only hit in the back with a half-dozen toothpicks as the kids behind us tried to put them into the ceiling (it's the thing to do at Huey's.)

Donald's Donuts -- On Union Avenue on the other side of the highway. Glorious donuts that avoid the puffy commercialism of Dunkin' Donuts. The best variety, by far, were the Buttermilk Donuts. It sounds like these would be heavy (kind of like the sour cream donuts at DD), but, they were surprisingly light and full-flavored with a really cool, kinky shape.

And, then we hiked out to the "environs". Our friends Mary Beth and Jay (and little Joshua), who lived in Chicago when we did, now live in the biggest city in Tennessee between Memphis and Nashville -- Jackson. They have a cool house on five acres of land 1 1/2 hours from Memphis and 2 hours from Nashville. We ate a lot there too . . .

Corky's Barbecue -- This time I opted for the pulled pork -- it was really good in that Tennessee smoky style, served with a sweeter tomato-based sauce on the side. Although I can say that after the BBQ Shop and Corky's, I could not bring myself to have barbecue the next day. I like Carolina BBQ -- East, West, it doesn't matter. I also had the fully-loaded baked potato. It's hard to screw up a fully-loaded baked potato, but, I can say it was really good and HUGE.

Casey Jones' Buffet -- We are not buffet people, but, MB and Jay both told us this buffet was different. And, it was surprisingly good -- and consistently good across the many dishes. There was a decent salad bar and option of various fruits in light syrups, Johnny cakes made right there in the buffet area, and I loved the mashed potatoes and pot roast. The beef in the pot roast was tender and not gristly, and the sauce was perfectly salted. The other "star" attraction at the buffet is fried chicken -- I do not like fried chicken -- but, my husband ate just the skin off a couple of pieces!

So, a very filling weekend in Tennessee. Seeing the history and character of many of Memphis' neighborhoods made us wish that Charlotte had a little more of that to offer. Charlotte is a pretty city in a pretty part of the country, but it is mostly brand-spanking new. Thanks to Kelly and Jay and Mary Beth for their hospitality!

Y'all come to Charlotte and we'll show you a good time!

The Credit Bureau Monopoly

2007-02-15T11:48:00.000-05:00

Since I work for a financial services insitution and have, in various capacities for several years now, I have spent a lot of time thinking about credit reports. I know the ins and outs of the Fair Credit Reporting Act and the problems that can happen with an individual's credit report.

And, like it or not, we are all defined by our credit reports. This single document can make the difference between owning a house and not, between getting a job or not, between being able to send your kids to college, or not. Credit bureau apologists will tell you that the document is reflective of whether the person has been responsible with their finances over time or not, and if someone has a bad credit report, that is because they were irresponsible. And, often, that really is true. Except.

Except when someone has a singular, long-standing dispute with a company over a bill, and on principal, that person refuses to pay the bill. Except when someone's ex-spouse runs up the credit card bills in that person's name without telling them, declares bankruptcy themselves, and then leaves that person stuck with overdue bills and significant "late payment history" on their credit report. Except when someone is a vicitim of identity theft.

It used to be that credit reporting was fractured and inconsistent, so, financial service institutions had to take into account a number of other factors to show the customer's likelihood for financial responsibility. And, yes, those factors included personal interaction with the customer themselves and personal references from the customer's employers, friends, business associates, etc. But, with the improvements of technology over the years, personal factors do not matter at all compared to the line items on your standardized credit report. So, any of the personal trauma leading to the exceptions listed above do not matter -- typically.

I applaud financial services institutions finding alternative ways of granting credit to folks that do not include the almighty credit report. There are a lot of underserved populations who either have no credit, little credit or abysmal credit out there -- and most members of that population are legitimate U.S. citizens or have every legal right to be in this country. Some of those folks really are irresponsible with credit and should be viewed as very high risk. But, if the financial institution can figure out a way to separate those out, without the benefit of the credit report, why shouldn't they use that methodology?

Innovation like this in financial services is unusual and should be encouraged. Sure, maybe there are some issues with the initial implementation of the methodology, but, the idea itself is solid and important and good.

That's my soapbox speech for today.

My first post!

2007-02-14T12:33:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day and welcome to my brand new blog!

There are about a million things that I want to talk about in this blog, and we will see how that goes. Please take a look at the "About Me" for more, but, in the meantime, I am just going to jump right into it!

Okay -- so, the New York Times had an article today talking about Intrade.com:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/14/business/14leonhardt.html?ex=1329195600&en=5af2f211e2418739&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

Intrade.com, if you don't know, is a type of stock market concept where you pay to wager on the outcome of, well, basically anything. For example, you can put money on the prediction that Barack Obama will win the Democratic presidential nomination or that Helen Mirren will win the Oscar for The Queen. It's a cool concept and according the Times article, was actually more effective in predicting the final outcome of the last elections than the pundits.

In any case, the point that I found most intriguing is that certain corporations have set up a similar type of system for their employees, at all levels of the organization, to wager on issues affecting the company. Everything from what vendor will ultimately succeed on a bid, to whether a new product should have this feature over that feature.

What a neat idea and what a great way to engage everyone in the corporation on issues big and small. I am not suggesting this is the way to make major decisions in the company -- I just think that it might provide an interesting and sometimes useful perspective. I love technology and the innovative ways it can be used to get new types of information, so, this has really captured my imagination for the time being.

And, that leads me back to this new blog. I know that I am way behind in blogging and that is unusual for me -- I am usually all over new technologies. But, between working and having babies, I just have not been ready to start a proper blog. My excuse now is that because of my new job -- where I provide advice on e-commerce issues -- I really need to understand the blogging community from within its midst.

As I said, we'll see how this goes!